Why “I Don’t Care” Was Exactly What I Needed to Hear

By: Ruth Jefferson Voice of the Middle Ground Founder

December 14, 2024

“I don’t care”.

The words hit me like a ton of bricks as we walked down a side road leading to a dead-end path, more metaphorical than it had the right to be.

I hadn’t felt like going for a walk on this day but, in my hopelessness, I had been willing to try. The mantle I had given myself to carry was too great for me alone. It had led me to self-isolation, to depression, to a desire to walk further into these on the path to something darker.

As we continued to walk, these words I don’t care, hit me harder as they collided with a root lie that I had believed–that I had to keep part of myself hidden, that because of that, the healing and reconciliation I wanted so badly for others could never be mine (Reconciliation requires both acknowledgment of hurt and a commitment to work through it. While I was committed to the work, I had been afraid that a full acknowledgment would lead me to a breakdown, unaware that I needed this breakdown for me to heal.).

This pastor who walked with me in this moment saw through the noise and the facade and let the Holy Spirit work through him to call me out of the burden I’d given myself so that I could realize that my own healing was just as important as the healing I wanted for others.

You see, when he said he didn’t care, he wasn’t saying that he didn’t care about me or what I was feeling or going through. He actually meant the opposite of that. He cared about me so much that he couldn’t let me hide behind the fakeness and facade I wanted others to see as me.

I’ll never forget this day because it reminds me of God’s love for me. We’re working toward healing and reconciliation, but we won’t get there if all we’re focused on is who we’re supposed to be. God doesn’t care about who we’re supposed to be. He wants our hearts. He wants us to cry out to him with our pain and our anger and our questioning and to realize that he’s big enough to handle it all, that his heart is for us and that Jesus himself died to show that this is most certainly true.

Come out of hiding, first to God. Then, connect with community. If you don’t feel like you have that kind of a community that will walk with you as you embrace this journey of authenticity before God or if you’re looking for a supplement to the community you do have, reach out. Connect with us at Voice of the Middle Ground by sending an email to admin@voiceofthemiddleground.com with the word Community in the subject line.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” ~ Psalm 46:10